Bah Bah Black Sheep



We've heard the phrase, "I'm the black sheep in my family."  What does this statement mean? 
Black sheep, in this sense, is a metaphor.  It compares a person, who is considered to be the worthless or the disgraced member of the family, to being a black sheep, which is the odd sheep among all the white sheep. 

In 1786, the first known record of 'black sheep' in a derogatory manner found in print is from Charles Macklin's The man of the world, a comedy:

"O, ye villain! you - you - you are a black sheep; and I'll mark you."

How am I the black sheep of my extended family? My family, parents, siblings,etc..., have disowned me because I chose a polyamorous lifestyle and to love many people over that of loving only one.  My parents, who are devout Christians, believe that I am living in sin.  Living in sin makes me not worthy of their love or affection.  Of course, I could argue their point here by saying that Jesus told us to love one another, but I think it would be an exercise in futility to try to make my parents and siblings love me unconditionally.  Who needs that stress?  Definitely, not me!

Interestingly enough being the black sheep is not as bad as it is made out to be. According to a contradictory long-standing English country tradition, black sheep are considered omens of good fortune. In 1878, the Folk-Lore Record, included this piece:

"We speak figuratively of the one black sheep that is the cause of sorrow in a family; but in its reality it is regarded by the Sussex shepherd as an omen of good luck to his flock.'"

So who knows, maybe I'm actually bringing my family good fortune?  LOL! Since I was young, I've always been known to go against the flow, so why start changing that now?

Stress

I love my family.  They make me incredibly happy, but the outside stress really gets to each of us.  We've been through so much together and made it through each and every huddle.  This seems like a huge slap in the face.

In 2002, my ex got out of jail for the first time, and he went before the court to seek visitation with our children.  The judge granted him regular visitation rights because he supposedly changed while in prison because he got "saved." The prison minister even testified on his behalf as well as his counsellor. 

Needless to say, after visiting with our children for a few months, he stole them, and he left town and took on a new identity.  My family and I was terrified. They were gone for three whole years.  Eventually though, he was caught, and our children were returned to us. It was the longest three years of my life.  I often wondered if he was abusive to them.  I was horrified for them. 

The stress has caused our wife, Leah, to turn into her shell and to be extremely depressed and short with all of us.  Our husband has grown angry.  We feel like we need to walk around on egg shells around him.  This is not his norm.  I know he is angry with my ex and the legal system, but he is letting his anger out on his family by having a quick temper.  I mean he is not abusive, but he seems to get agitated more easily now.

Stress weighs heavily on me almost daily due to living a poly life.  My ex, who was in prisoned, is now free again.  Of course, he has a vendetta against me.  He's been threatening me recently about using my lifestyle choice to try to get custody of the children.  His lawyer told him that he actually had a chance. 

He is already trying to get visitation rights.  You know, I thought since he was an ex-con that it would make it extremely difficult for him to actually get visitation and especialy custody.  I've visited with my attorney regarding the matter, and he, being pro-poly, even said that he has a chance if he can prove that we are actually poly.  This is so insane.

His lawyer says since he recieved rehabilitation, anger management and counselling while he was in prison and he has since he's been out.  He's done everything the judge has asked of him, but I still do not trust him.  I am scared, and so is my family.

This constant stress with my ex over the years has caused me to need extreme counselling.  I have grown ill as well.  The doctor believes I may have an auto-immune disease called fibromyalgia, which according to my doctor is caused by constant stress and/or trauma.  I am in constant pain.  He is sending me to see a specialist.

I am not sure what to do anymore.  I am at a loss.  Any suggestions?