Bah Bah Black Sheep



We've heard the phrase, "I'm the black sheep in my family."  What does this statement mean? 
Black sheep, in this sense, is a metaphor.  It compares a person, who is considered to be the worthless or the disgraced member of the family, to being a black sheep, which is the odd sheep among all the white sheep. 

In 1786, the first known record of 'black sheep' in a derogatory manner found in print is from Charles Macklin's The man of the world, a comedy:

"O, ye villain! you - you - you are a black sheep; and I'll mark you."

How am I the black sheep of my extended family? My family, parents, siblings,etc..., have disowned me because I chose a polyamorous lifestyle and to love many people over that of loving only one.  My parents, who are devout Christians, believe that I am living in sin.  Living in sin makes me not worthy of their love or affection.  Of course, I could argue their point here by saying that Jesus told us to love one another, but I think it would be an exercise in futility to try to make my parents and siblings love me unconditionally.  Who needs that stress?  Definitely, not me!

Interestingly enough being the black sheep is not as bad as it is made out to be. According to a contradictory long-standing English country tradition, black sheep are considered omens of good fortune. In 1878, the Folk-Lore Record, included this piece:

"We speak figuratively of the one black sheep that is the cause of sorrow in a family; but in its reality it is regarded by the Sussex shepherd as an omen of good luck to his flock.'"

So who knows, maybe I'm actually bringing my family good fortune?  LOL! Since I was young, I've always been known to go against the flow, so why start changing that now?

Sex or the lack thereof

I know most poly people seem to be shy when talking about sex. Although, I would like to add here, that I am really not writing about sex, but I am writing about the lack thereof.  Poly seems to have the reputation from those who really have no clue about it that it is all about sex.  In reality though, it is about love, family and committment.

Over the years, our husband has gone from being very sexually active and vibrant to being exhausted, stressed, and barely sexually active. We are fortunate if each of us gets to have sex with him at least once a week and sometimes that includes group sex.  I know most of it is due to extreme stress.  The stress has also caused each of adults to gain weight, so I know the weight increase has some to do with it as well. 

Before we started courting Sarah, our sex life was fairly decent.  Leah and I would have sex with him almost three times a week each.  I was actually quite happy with this arrangement.  I warned him though that if the intimacy between each of us actually diminished too much, like only once a week or less, then I would not be willing to ask Sarah to marry us.  He assured me that it would not and that everything would be ok.

We have been seriously courting her for over a year now, but I am still holding back on asking her to marry us.  This is due to the fact that since we have been courting her that sex has diminshed to once a week or even less than that.  I love Sarah, but I am not willing to bring in another wife if our husband cannot fulfill his duty to us now. I have already shared this with Sarah, and she understands.  Of course, it also hurts her, but I felt I needed to be honest with her. 

This is not the first that he has lacked in the sex or intimacy department.  It seems that major stress greatly affects his libido.  A few years back before Sarah, we courted another woman, and when we were courting her, he acted the same.  This is beginning to make me believe that he cannot handle more than two women. He says it has nothing to do with the amount of women, but it has everything to do with stress. 

I am not sure if I should believe him.  I know he really loves each of us, including Sarah.  Leah had begun to question if she is even desirable to him anymore. I told her that it had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with him and his level of stress.  I told him he needed to speak with his doctor about anti-anxiety medication or something, but he does not think they will help.

I feel at a loss though because I am not happy with our current sex life.  Any suggestions?

Stress

I love my family.  They make me incredibly happy, but the outside stress really gets to each of us.  We've been through so much together and made it through each and every huddle.  This seems like a huge slap in the face.

In 2002, my ex got out of jail for the first time, and he went before the court to seek visitation with our children.  The judge granted him regular visitation rights because he supposedly changed while in prison because he got "saved." The prison minister even testified on his behalf as well as his counsellor. 

Needless to say, after visiting with our children for a few months, he stole them, and he left town and took on a new identity.  My family and I was terrified. They were gone for three whole years.  Eventually though, he was caught, and our children were returned to us. It was the longest three years of my life.  I often wondered if he was abusive to them.  I was horrified for them. 

The stress has caused our wife, Leah, to turn into her shell and to be extremely depressed and short with all of us.  Our husband has grown angry.  We feel like we need to walk around on egg shells around him.  This is not his norm.  I know he is angry with my ex and the legal system, but he is letting his anger out on his family by having a quick temper.  I mean he is not abusive, but he seems to get agitated more easily now.

Stress weighs heavily on me almost daily due to living a poly life.  My ex, who was in prisoned, is now free again.  Of course, he has a vendetta against me.  He's been threatening me recently about using my lifestyle choice to try to get custody of the children.  His lawyer told him that he actually had a chance. 

He is already trying to get visitation rights.  You know, I thought since he was an ex-con that it would make it extremely difficult for him to actually get visitation and especialy custody.  I've visited with my attorney regarding the matter, and he, being pro-poly, even said that he has a chance if he can prove that we are actually poly.  This is so insane.

His lawyer says since he recieved rehabilitation, anger management and counselling while he was in prison and he has since he's been out.  He's done everything the judge has asked of him, but I still do not trust him.  I am scared, and so is my family.

This constant stress with my ex over the years has caused me to need extreme counselling.  I have grown ill as well.  The doctor believes I may have an auto-immune disease called fibromyalgia, which according to my doctor is caused by constant stress and/or trauma.  I am in constant pain.  He is sending me to see a specialist.

I am not sure what to do anymore.  I am at a loss.  Any suggestions?

Thanksgiving is Here!

As we all know that here in America our Thanksgiving holiday is quickly approaching.  I look forward to this holiday every year because it is one holiday that has not become commercialized.  

However, this year is different than lasts, but not unusual behavior for my extended family. My parents and a few of my siblings refuse to speak with me because they refuse to accept my poly family.  They are especially angry because we have been dating this new woman.  I never truly understand why families think they have a right to tell other family members how to live their lives.  I am happy with my poly family, and you would think my extended family would want to be happy for me, but no.  My mother has even tried to convince Leah to leave Jacob and I, so that I could have Jacob all to myself by trying to make Leah feel inferior to me. She told Leah that if Jacob truly loved her he would have never agreed to marry me as well. 

Needless to say, we will not be joining any outside family for the holiday. I will be a quaint holiday for our poly family and girlfriend and her children here at our house.  Honestly, I am looking forward to having it here at our home, and not having to worry about the tension that always occurs when we go to our families' homes.  I feel glad that we can be ourselves. 

I am so thankful to God for my poly family. Gos has blessed me with a wonderful husband, wife, potential wife, and all of our lovely children.  I thank God for our home.  I also thank him for our friends and our careers. 

Recently, I've become re-acquainted with some of my distant relatives, like aunts, uncles, cousins, and such, that I have not seen since I was a child. We'vc been speaking on the phone and emailing.  They all know about my life, and guess what? They accept me, and they cannot wait to see me and meet my lovely family.  I am so excited about this, and I thank God for this validation from my other relatives and their acceptance of my poly family.

We did most of our Thanksgiving cooking on Wednesday, so we can spend the day together on Thursday. We will praise God and thank him for our many blessings.  We also plan to play family games together.

What are you plans? What are you most thankful for?

Have a great Thanksgiving! Blesings to you and to yours!

Racheal

Love Story

Ours is a true love story.  Leah, Jacob and I are childhood friends.  We helped one another in many ways. We were and are the very best of friends. 


Of course, I have a past that did not include them.  I was married to another man, who abused me for many years.  One night, he almost killed me because I told him I was leaving him due the abuse, and I intended to get therapy. 


Praise be the Lord that Jacob and Leah, who lived next door to us, heard Damon, my ex, beating me, yelling at me calling me vulgar names. Leah called the police, while Jacob came to my rescue.  Thankfully, our door was not locked that night.  Jacob found Damon on top of me while I was on the floor.  My clothes were ripped off of me, and I laid in a puddle of my own blood. Jacob had tore my hair out of my head.  He beat my face so loudly I was unrecognizable to even my own mother and children.  I do not even remember Jacob coming to my rescue because I had passed out. Later, I found out that when Jacob found us Damon had his knife at my throat and was raping my listless body, and he had already stabbed me in my stomach and in my vagina.  


Jacob became my savior. He saved me from the murderous hands of Damon. Afterwards, I was laid up in the hospital for months trying to live.  While in the hospital, I started therapy for abuse victims. 


When I got out, I could not bare to step foot in my house that I shared with Damon, so my children and I lived with Sarah and Jacob until I could get on my feet.  Meanwhile, Damon was sentenced to prison, and I filed for divorce with the help of Leah and Jacob. They were my bedrock, my backbone, and they still are.


I went through years and years of counseling, and so did my children. Through it all, Leah and Jacob remained my rock, my cornerstone.  While living with them, we fell in love with one another.  This caused us to begin researching polyamory at the request of Leah. Our research and love led us to finally decide to become a triad, and we have been life partners to one another now for 14 years.


This is our true Love story...

Poly Defined

Polyamory means that a person intimately loves more than one person. 

Polygamy means that a person marries more than one partner.

Polygyny means that a man married more than one wife.

Polyandry means that a woman married more than one husband.