Leah, Jacob, and I have been part of a triad for 14 years now. Sarah is our girlfriend which all of us have a relationship with, and we are considering for a lifetime partner. If she joins us as a lifetime partner, we would be a quad.
However, Leah and I are having deep issues. Our relationship is in the ICU/Intensive Care Unit. We have been here now for many years. She takes medications for a few diseases. She is also on anti-depressants, and she is bi-polar as well. I know that the stress of my ex has caused a great amout of stress to each of us. However, she has changed drastically. She remains constantly moody and rude even to our children.
She is rude to me on a daily basis, and if she is not rude to me, she absolutely ignores me. She has called me vicious names when she and I have a disagreement, and I do not call names at all because I feel it is non-productive in an argument or period for that matter. All it does is cause harm. In the past, she has actually hit me a few times, but she has not done that in a long time because Jacob told her if she did it again she would need to move out. However, he would still maintain in a relationship with her. This made me very uncomfortable because in the past I came out of a very abusive relationship, and it bothers me that Jacob would retain any form of a relationship with some who has abused me. It feels like betrayal to me, but he says he loves her and knows she is ill and needs our help.
I am at the point that I am no longer willing to put up with her constantly ignoring me or belittling me. I am not happy in my relationship with her, but I am not willing to lose my relationship with Jacob or Sarah. I love Leah, but my self-worth is not willing to take crap from her anymore. If it were only up to me, I would not be with her anymore until she changed, but it is not just my decision.
I feel at a loss as what to do. I have actally thought about ignoring her as well and not engaging in any form of conversation with her. This upset Jacob when I told him of my plans because he feels that it would only cause more harm than good. Why must I constantly think about her well-being at the expense of my own??? Any thoughts?
My advice ? Leave.
ReplyDeleteDealing with ANYONE with bipolar, etc. is not easy in itself. Is anyone nearing or IN menopause? Periomenopause? Get those hormones checked. Eating well? Bad food can definitely harm those with already compromised health.
ReplyDeleteI would buy her a bottle of vitamin D (seriously, it helps a lot), explain to everyone involved that you will do your part (have you tried counseling?) but that certain behaviors violate boundaries with you and they will not be tolerated. If your spouse and girlfriend are healthy they will support both of you in healing what needs to be healed. If they are NOT healthy (which IS a possibility) they will NOT support you, in which case it is time to move out until something changes. And be aware, it may not.
Seems like from what I've seen, family dynamics are often smoothed over by adding another wife, but generally that just delays the inevitable. Good luck.
Isa
you need HEAVENLY FATHER!
ReplyDelete